Lingua, or, The combat of the tongue, and the five senses for superiority a pleasant comoedy.

Prethee Nam be perswaded; is't not better go to a feast then stay here for a fray?

A feast? dost think Auditus will make the Judges a feast?

Faith I, why should he carry them to his house else?

Why sirra, to hear a set or two of songs; slid his banquets are nothing but fish, all soll, soll, soll? Ile teach thee wit boy, never go me to a Musitians house for Junkets, unlesse thy stomach lies in thine ears; for there is nothing but com∣mending this songs delicate air, that motects dainty air; this sonnets sweet air, that madrigals melting air; this dirgesse mournful air, this Church-air, that Chamber-air; French air, English air, Italian air; why Lad, they be pure Chamelions, they feed only upon the air.

Chamelions? Ile be sworn, some of your Fidlers be rather Cammels, for by their good wills they will never leave eating.

True, and good reason, for they do no∣thing all the day but stretch and grate their small guts: But oh, yonders the Ape Heuresis: let me go I prethee.

Nay, good now stay a little, let's see his humour.

I see no reason to the contrary; for we see the quintessense of Wine will convert Water into Wine; why therefore should not the Elixar of gold turn lead into pure gold?

Ha, ha, ha, ha, he is turned Chymick sirra, it seems so by his talk.

But how shall I devise to blow the fire of Beech-coals with a continual and equall blast? ha? I will have my bellows driven with a wheel, which wheel shall be a self mover.

Here's old turning, these Chymicks seeking to turn lead into gold, turn away all their own Silver.

And my wheel shall be Geometrically proportioned into seaven or nine concave in∣circled armes, wherein I will put equall poises; hai, hai, hai, 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉, I have it, I have it, I have it,

Heuresis?

But what's best to contain the Quick-silver? ha?

Do you remember your promise Heuresis?

It must not be Iron, for Quick-silver is the tyrant of mettals, and will soon fret it.

Heuresis? Heuresis?

Nor Brasse, nor Copper, nor Mastlin, nor Mineral, 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉, I have it, I have it, it must be

You have indeed sirra, and thus much more then you looked for

You shall not fight, but if you will al∣ways disagree, let us have words and no blows; Houresis, what reason have you to fall out with him?

Because he is always abusing me, and takes the upper hand of me everywhere.

And why not sirra? I am thy better in any place.

Have I been the Author of the seven libe∣ral Sciences, and consequently of all learning? have I been the patron of all Mechanical devises, to be thy inferiour? I tell thee Anamnestes, thou hast not so much as a point but thou art beholding to me for it.

Good, good, but what had your inven∣tion been, but for my remembrance? I can prove that thou belly-sprung invention art the most improfitable member in the world; for ever since thou wert born thou hast been a bloody murthe∣rer, and thus I prove it; In the quiet years of Sa∣turn (I remember Jupiter was then but in his swath-bands) thou rentest the bowels of the earth, and broughtst Gold to light, whose beauty (like Hellen) set all the world by the ears; then upon that thou foundest out Iron, and puttest weapons in their hands; and now in the last populous age, thou taught'st a scab-shin Frier the hellish invention of powder and Guns.

Cal'st it hellish? thou liest, it is the most admirablest invention of all others; for whereas

others imitate nature, this excells nature her selfe.

True, for a Cannon will kill as many at one shot, as Thunder doth commonly at twenty.

Therefore more murthering art thou then the light bolt.

But to shew the strength of my conceit, I have found out a means to withstand the stroak of the most violent culvering: Mendacio, thou sawest it when I demonstrated invention.

What some wool-packs, or mudwalls? or such like?

Mendacio, I prethee tell it him, for I love not to be a trumpeter of mine own praises.

I must needs confesse this devise to passe all that ever I heard or saw; and thus it was. First, he takes a Faulcon and charges it without all deceits, with dry powder well canphred; then did he put in a single bullet, and a great quantity of drop-shot, both round and lachrimal; this done he sets me a boy sixty paces off, just point blank over against the mouth of the peece; now in the very midst of the direct line he fastens a post, upon which he hangs me in a cord, a Siderite of Herculean stone.

Well, well, I know it well; it was found out in Ida, in the year of the world—by one Magnes, whose name it retains, though vulgarly they call it the Adamant.

When he had hang'd this Adamant in a

cord, he comes back and gives fire to the touch-hole, now the powder consumed to avoid vacuum.

Which is intolerable in nature; for first shall the whole Machin of the World, Heaven, Earth, Sea and Air, return to the mishapen house of Chaos, then the least vacuum be found in the universe.

The bullet and drop-shot most impetu∣ously from the fiery throat of the Culvering (but oh strange) no sooner came they neer the Ada∣mant in the cord, but they were all arested by the Sargent of Nature, and hovered in the Air round about it, till they had lost the force of their mo∣tion, clasping themselves close to the stone in most lovely manner, and not any one flew to in danger the mark; so much did they remember their duty to Nature, that they forgot the errand they were sent of.

This is a very artificial lye.

Nam, believe it, for I saw it; and which is more, I have practiced this devise often: Once when I had a quarrel with one of my Lady Veritas naked knaves, and had pointed him the field, I conveyed into the heart of my Buckler an Ada∣mant, and when we met I drew all the foins of his Rapier whether soever he intended them, or howsoever I guided mine arm, pointed still to the midst of my Buckler, so that by this means I hurt the Knave mortally, and my self came away un∣toucht, to the wonder of all the beholders.

Sirra you speak Metaphorically, because thy wit Mendacio always draws mens objections to thy fore-thought excuses.

Anamnestes, 'tis true, and I have an addi∣tion to this, which is to make the bullet shot from the enemy, to return immediately upon the Gunner; but let all this passe, and say the worst thou canst against me.

I say Guns were found out for the quick dispatch of mortality; and when thou sawest men grow wise, and beget so fair a child as Peace, of so foul and deformed a mother as War, least there should be no murther, thou devisedst poyson.

Nay, fie Nam, urge him not too far.

And last and worst, thou soundst out cookery, that kills more then weapons, guns, wars or poysons, and would destroy all, but that thou inventedst Physick, that helps to make away some.

But firra, besides all this, I devised Pillo∣ries for such forging villains as thy self.

Cal'st me villain?

You shall not fight as long as I am here; give over I say.

Mendacio, you offer me great wrong to hold me, in good faith I shall fall out with you.

Away, away, away, you are Invention, are you not?

Yes Sir, what then?

And you Remembrance?

Well sir, well.

Then I will be Judicium, the modera∣tor betwixt you, and make you both friends; come, come, shake hands, shake hands.

Well, well, if you will needs have it so;

I am in some sort content.

Why this is as it should be, when Men∣dacio hath Invention on the one hand, and Re∣membrance on the other, as hee'l be sure never to be found with Truth in his mouth, so he scorns to be taken in a lye; hai, hai, hai, my fine waggs whist?

Whist.

Whist.