Lingua, or, The combat of the tongue, and the five senses for superiority a pleasant comoedy.

Lingua, the Senses by our appointment anon are to present their objects before us; see∣ing therefore they be not in readinesse, we license you in the mean while, either in your own per∣son, or by your Advocate, to speak what you can for your self.

My Lord, if I should bring before your ho∣nour all my friends ready to importune you in my behalf, I should have so many Rhetoricians, Logitians, Lawyers, and which is more, so many women to attend me, that this Grove would hardly contain the company; wherefore to avoid the tediousnesse, I will lay the whole cause upon the tip of mine own tongue.

Be as brief as the necessity of our short time requires.

My Lord, though the Imbecillitas of my feeble sex, might draw me back from this Tribu∣nal, with the habenis to wit Timoris, and the Ca∣tenis Pudoris; notwithstanding being so fairly led on with the gracious 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 of your justissimae 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉, Especially so aspremente spurd' con'gli sproni di necessita mia pungente, I Will without the helpe of Orators, commit the totom salutem of my

action to the Volutabilitati 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉 which (avecuostre bonne playseur) I will finish with more then Laconicâ brevitate.

Whats this? here's a Gallemaufry of speech indeed.

I remember about the yeare 1602. many used this skew kind of language. Which in my opinion is not much unlike the man Platony the the Sonne of Lagus, King of Aegypt, brought for a spectacle halfe white halfe blacke.

I am perswaded these same language-makers have the very quality of cold in their wit, that freezeth all Heterogeneall languages together, congealing English Tynne, Graecian Gold, Ro∣mane Latine all In a lumpe.

Or rather in my imagination like you Fan∣tasticall Gulls Apparell, wearing a Spanish Felt, a French Doblet, a Granado Stocking, a Dutch Slop, an Italian Cloak, with a Welch frise Jerkin.

Well, leave your toying, we cannot pluck the least feather from the soft wing of time. Therefore Lingua go on, but in a more formall manner; you know an ingenions Oratiō must nei∣ther swell above the Banks with insolent words, nor creepe too shallow in the ford, with vulgar terms, but run equally, smooth, and cheerful, through the clean current of a pure style.

My Lord, this one thing is sufficient to con∣firm my worth to be equal or better then the sen∣ses, whose best operations are nothing till I polish

them with perfection; for their knowledge is only of things present, quickly sublimed with the deaf file of time, whereas the tongue is able to re∣count things past, and often pronounce things to come, by this means re-edifying such Excellencies as Time and Age do easily depopulate.

But what profitable service do you undertake for our dread Queen Psyche?

O how I am ravisht to think how infinite∣ly she hath graced me with her most acceptable service. But above all (which you Master Register may well remember) when her Highnesse taking my mouth for her instrument, with the Bow of my tongue strucke so heavenly a touch upon my teeth, that she charmed the very Tigers asleep, the listning Bears and Lions to couch at her feet, while the Hills leaped, and the Woods danced to the sweet harmony of her most Angelical accents.

I remember it very well. Orpheus played upon the Harp, while she sang, about some four years after the contention betwixt Apollo and Pan, and a little before the excoriation of Marsyas.

By the same token the River Alpheus, at that time pursuing his beloved Arethusa, discha∣nel'd himself of his former course to be partaker of their admirable confort, and the musick being ended, thrust himself head long into earth, the next way to follow his amorous Chase; if you go to Arcadia, you shall see his coming up again.

Forward Lingua with your reason.

How oft hath her Excellency imployded me as Embassador in her most urgent affairs to forreign King and Emperors! I may say to the Gods themselves! How many bloudlesse Battails have my perswasions attained, when the senses forces have been vanquished. How many Rebels have I reclaimed when her sacred authority was little regarded? her Laws (without exprobation be it spoken) had been altogether unpublished, her will unperformed, her illustrious deeds un∣renouned, had not the silver sound of my trumpet filled the whole circuit of the universe with her deserved fame. Her Cities would dissolve, traffique would decay, friendships be broken, were not my speech the knot. Mercury and Mastique, to bind, defend, and glew them together. What should I say more? I can never speak enough of the un∣speakable praise of speech, wherein I can find no other imperfection at all, but that the most ex∣quisite power and excellency of speech cannot sufficiently expresse the exquisite power and ex∣cellency of speaking.

Lingua, your service and dignity we confesse to be great; neverthelesse these reasons prove you not to have the nature of a sense.

By your Lordships favour, I can soon prove that a sense is a faculty, by which our Queen sit∣ting in her privy Chamber hath intelligence of exterior oecurrents. That I am of this nature, I prove thus. The object which I challenge is—

Stay, stay my Lord, defer I beseech, defer the Judgement.

Who's this that boldly interrupts us thus! hum.

My name is Appetitus, Common servant to the Pentarchy of the senses, who understanding that your honour was handling this action of Lingua's, sent me hither thus hastily, most humbly requesting the Bench to consider these Articles they alledge against her, before you proceed to judgement.

Hum, here's good stuff, Master Re∣gister read them: Appetitu••, you may depart, and bid your Mistresse make convenient speed.

At your Lordships pleasure.

I Remember that I forgot my spectacles, I left them in the 349. page of Hall's Chronicles, where he tells a great wonder of a multitude of Mice which had almost destroyed the Country, but that there resorted a great mighty flight of Owls, that destroyed them: Anamnestes read these Articles distinctly.

1. Ar. Imprimis we accuse Lingua of high treason and sacriledge against the most ho∣nourable Common-wealth of letters: for under pretence of profiting the people with translati∣ons, she hath most vily prostituted the hard myste∣ries of unknown Languages to the prophane ears of the vulgar.

This is as much as to make a new Hell in the upper world; for in Hell, they say, Alexan∣der is no better then a Cobler; and now by these translations every Cobler is as familiar with A∣lexander as he that wrote his life.

2. art. Item that she hath wrongfully im∣prisoned a Lady called Veritas.

3. art. Item that she's a witch, and exerciseth her tongue in exorcismes.

4. art. Item that she's a common whore, and lets everyone lie with her.

5. art. Item that she rails on men in Autho∣rity, depraving their Honours with bitter Jests and taunts, and that she's a Backbiter setting strife betwixt bosome friends.

6. art. Item that she lends Wives weapons to fight against their Husbands.

7. art. Item that she maintains a train of prating petty-foggers, prouling Sumners, smooth tongu'd Bawds, artless Empericks, hungry Parasites, News-carriers, Janglers, and such like idle Compani∣ons, that delude the Commonalty.

8. art. Item that she made Rhetorique wanton, Logick to babble, Astronomy to lye.

9. art. Item that she is an incontinent Tel-tale.

10. art. Item (which is the last and worst) that she's a Woman in every respect, and for these causes not to be admitted to the dignity of a Sense. That these Articles be true we pawn our

honours, and subscribe our names.

1. Visus. 2. Auditus. 3. Gustus. 4. Olfactus. 5. Tactus.

Lingua, these be shrewd allegations, and as I think unanswerable. I will defer the judgement of your cause till I have finished the contention of the Senses.

Your Lordships must be obeyed; but as for them most ungrateful, and perfidious wretches.

Good words become you better; you may depart if you will, till we send for you. A∣namnestes, run, remember Visus, 'tis time he were ready.

I go,